Child's Play
by Little Babushka
Summary: What will the marauders do when Sirius and Lily are turned into four year olds?
1. Accidents Happen

CHILD'S PLAY

Ch.1 Accidents Happen

SIRIUS POV

"Sirius_ Orion Black I am going to KILL you!" _Lily shrieked as she, James, Remus and me walked down the empty corridor. "Don't get your knickers in a twist Lils." I grumbled. "As shocking as it may seem to you, I didn't actually _plan_ for this to happen!" I stopped in front of the door to the Potions classroom we were supposed to be cleaning, _without magic_. "I take it this is the place?"

"_Children please,"_ Remus groaned, looking up from his book for the first time since leaving Professor McGonagall's office. "Considering we'll probably be cleaning together for the next couple of hours, perhaps it might be best if we're not at each other's throats, eh?" Lily and I glared at him. "Yeah!" agreed James. "And could one of you please tell me why _I_ have detention too? I was just sitting there, minding my own business…" "If by 'business' you mean writing crappy poetry about Lily." I muttered darkly. James however, appeared not to notice. " ….. when all of a sudden Minnie yells at me about joining her in her office to discuss my, or should I say, _our _detention."

"Of course, Potter!" Lily spat, "I'm sure you were _completely innocent _in this ordeal!" "I WAS!" James shouted indignantly. "ENOUGH!" yelled Remus, blushing when we all turned to look at him. "Yes, well Sirius, since none of us seem to be in the know over what just took place, perhaps you would care to enlighten us?"

"Fine." I huffed. "What happened was this…….."

_30 minutes earlier_

_" Mister__ Black, if you would be so kind as to refrain from throwing things at Mister Snape, I would very much so appreciate it." __Admonished Professor McGonagall._

_"Anything for you, Minnie!"__ I grinned._

_"Black, don't call me that." __Sighed McGonagall._

_"That's not what you said last night." I said under my breath._

_"WHAT WAS THAT?!"_

_"Nothing!__Nothing!"__ I cried. That woman has hearing like a bloody bat!_

_"I'm sure." McGonagall said, turning back to the board. "As I was saying class, today we are going to learn how to transfigure mice into decorative bowls of fruit."_

_Yea, __cuz__ THAT will get me somewhere in life._

_"Simply point your wand at the mouse, move your hand in a counter-clockwise motion, say "__Achelous__" and Voila! Your mouse is now a bowl of fruit! Now, everyone find a partner and grab a mouse from the box at the front of the classroom."_

_I looked around for a partner, and, spotting Remus, I ran up to him. "Hey Mooney, __wanna__ be partners?" "I'd love to Sirius, but I told Lily I'd be her partner." __"RED-HEADED SHREW!"__ I screamed. "Yes?" Lily asked. "__Ummm__ ……. __NOTHING!"__I ran towards James in a desperate attempt to escape the vile ginger woman. _

_'It's weird how she answered to that though…' I thought as I sat next to James. _

_James was hunched over a piece of parchment and muttering under his breath. "__L is__ for the love we'll always share. __I is__ for how irresistible you are. L is also for…." He paused, trying to find the right words. "What a loser you are for writing poetry?" I inquired. James growled and threw a quill at me. "Well excuse me for trying to help!" I cried, as I transformed my mouse into a fruit bowl._

_I sighed. I was siriusly… Ha! __Sirius__ly! Merlin's __pants, that__ joke NEVER gets old! HAHAHAHA….wait… was I saying something? Oh, yea! I was siriusly (tehee!) bored. I needed a distraction from my deluded friend. I eyed the bowl of fruit. I grabbed an apple from it and began to throw it in the air and catch it. 'I wonder if __Snivellus__ likes apples.' I thought, smiling devilishly as I decided how I would find that out. Unfortunately for me, I am a terrible aim. The apple missed Snape entirely, to my disappointment, hitting a wall instead. The apple ricocheted off and hit the box of mice, knocking it over and causing mass panic as hundreds of mice ran about the room. _

_'Uh-oh…'_

_"BLACK, LUPIN, AND POTTER, MY OFFICE!__ NOW!" screamed McGonagall._

_"But professor!"__Cried Lily "Remus didn't do anything!" _

_"AND YOU CAN ACCOMPANY THEM MISS EVANS!"_

_Present_

"And that, my good sir, is what happened."I proclaimed with a dramatic flourish.

If looks could kill, I'd be 6 feet under right about now. I have never seen Lily so angry before. Except for that time with the zebra and the bowl of pudding. Honestly, that prank seemed _foolproof_ at the time! But, back to the situation at hand.

"Black, I swear I will _kill…._" "Let's get in there and start cleaning, shall we?" Remus interrupted, in hopes of saving me from Lily's violent rampage. But I say, _bring it on girlfriend!_ I'll go hand-to-hand with that green-eyed harpy, I'm not afraid!

"Whatever." I muttered and led us into the classroom. That place was filthy! I have never seen such a pig-sty in my life, and that's saying something since I share a room with Wormtail. It was like the Hogwarts dump, and every piece of garbage ever to grace the floors of Hogwarts over the past 50 years was chucked in there.

"Oh my GODS!" Shrieked James and Lily. Ugh, women!

"Alright lads and lass!" I directed, attempting to take charge of this foul situation. " Remus, you dust the book shelves. James, you mop the floors. Lily, you clean out the rat-traps. I'll be standing by this cauldron pretending to look productive… _I mean_ uhh ……cleaning it out…… and inspecting it no you don't!" Lily shouted. Curses! Another brilliant plan foiled by that … that..._red-head_. "All you're going to do is stand there, doing nothing, while the rest of us do all the work!" 

"Damn! I was so looking forward to helping you guys out. But, if you insist, I'll do nothing while you guys do all the cleaning." I smirked as Lily's face turned the same color as her hair.

"You know what I mean, you bloody…" "Lily, I think we can settle this without a huge argument. You and Sirius can both clean the cauldron. That way, you can be sure Sirius is doing his share of the work and you won't have to be stuck pulling rat corpses out of the traps. How does that sound?" Remus interrupted, _again._ What is his problem? He needs to mind his own business and let me and Lily settle this _mano__-y-__mano_

"Fine." She huffed, shoving me out of the way as she headed towards the cauldron. But, being the gentleman that I am, I ignored her violent actions and went to go help her.

"Ugh! What's in this? It smells like dirty diapers!" I pinched my nose and shoved the cauldron towards Lily. "You can clean this out. I'm not touching that stuff!"

"You are such a drama-king! I am not doing this with you! Stop being a baby and ladle this stuff into a vial so we can wash out the cauldron."

Drama-king? DRAMA-KING? No one calls me a drama-king!

"Don't call me a drama-king, you harpy!" Let's see how she likes _them_ apples!

"Black. Clean. The. Cauldron." She said slowly, pushing the pot-o-stank in my direction.

Who does she think she is?

"No. You do it." I said, pushing it back towards her. That outta shut her up.

Evidently not. " Black, I am _not _going to tell you again. _Clean it."_ She said angrily, thrusting it towards me.

"You do it!" I shouted, thrusting it towards _her._ This cauldron shoving match continued, until I got so angry that I knocked it over.

Spilling its contents on both of us.

JAMES POV

Mopping floors sucks. Seriously.

I cannot believe Padfoot made me mop the floors. I mean come on! We're in a Potions classroom for Mordred's sake! All kinds of nasty crap has spilt on these floors and most of it is probably toxic. _And I'm breathing it in!_ Oh my gods. What if it makes me sterile? Lily and I will never have children!

Note to self Don't start crying out of the blue when people can see you. Remus is looking at me funny and it's making me _very_ uncomfortable.

"Prongs? Are you ok?" Oh, great. A _werewolf_ is asking me if _I'm_ ok. What is the world coming to? "I'm fine Mooney, I was just thinking…" I stopped when I heard a splash. "What was that?" I asked. "Probably just Padfoot knocking something over again." Remus sighed tiredly. "Let's check it out, just to be safe."

I nodded as we headed over to where Padfoot and my sweet Lilyflower were stationed. I stopped dead in my tracks.

Sirius and lily were unconscious, lying in a pool of something that smelled a bit like diapers. But that wasn't the shocking part.

Lily and Sirius had been turned into _four year olds._

_'How am I going to explain this to McGonagall?'_


	2. Side Effects May Include

Child's Play

Ch.2 Some Side-Affects May Include…

"Ummm…… Moony?"

"…….Yes, James?"

"Do you see that too?"

"Mmmhmm."

"Oh. Alright then."

Ohmygods, ohmygods, ohmygods! My best friend and my future-wife are toddlers. Oh. My. Gods. This can't be happening to me! What if they never change back? I can't marry Lily when she's like this! That sort of thing is very frowned upon in today's society! What would my mother say?

Well, at least this can't get any worse.

" Uh, James? Someone's coming." Remus said. I didn't see anything wrong with this, but by the look on Remus' face I knew I was wrong.

"Why is that a problem?" I asked. Remus looked at me like I was a complete and utter idiot. "Well, James, look around you." Remus said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. I looked around. What I saw was two teenage boys in an abandoned classroom with two unconscious children. Alright, so I guess now would be a good time to start panicking.

" WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?!" I screamed. "Remus, this would look _really_ bad to an outsider! Dear Merlin, they're getting _closer!"_

"James, calm down. We'll just hide them behind the desk until it's safe to take them to the common room." Remus stated. At least one of us was thinking rationally.

I had just finished moving them when the door opened.

"Peter!" I cried, relief washing over me. I had never been so pleased to see him in my life. "Hey you guys. How's detention? The whole school is talking about the mouse incident." He said admiringly. "Peter,SiriusandLilyhavebeenturnedintofouryearoldsbysomeweirdpotionthingandIdontknow_what_todo!" I said, panting from the lack of oxygen.

"…..what?" Peter asked. Why is that boy so slow? He can't even follow the simplest of conversations! "Peter, what James was trying to say was that, due to an accident, Lily and Padfoot appear to be 4 years old again and we are at a loss as to what to do." Remus, ever the articulate one, explained

**2 MINUTES LATER**

"Well this is just great, Remus!" I shrieked, my voice about 3 octaves higher than usual. "Now we have _three_ unconscious people we have to smuggle back to the common room!" "James, it will be okay…." Remus started. "_HOW?!_ HOW IS IT GOING TO BE _OKAY, _REMUS?!" "Well…" He began, obviously annoyed by my outburst. "We'll simply put a levitating spell on them, throw your invisibility cloak over them, and head down to the common room. No one will notice them that way, and you can relax now, alright?"

Wow. I have come to the conclusion that Remus is really smart. If I were gay…. (Which would never happen, because I like birds. And, as soon as she sees reason, I will be happily taken by a lovely red-head.) ….and had a thing for scrawny brainy guys, I would be all over him. I kinda lost track of where I was going with this.

Getting back to the common room was even easier then Remus made it sound. " So what do we do now?" "Well, we're going to have to tell Dumbledore. Hopefully, he'll have an antidote. If not…. I suppose we'll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it. Now all we have to do is wait for them to wake up."

"Why can't we get Dumbledore now?" I asked. Remus looked absurdly at me. "At _two in the morning?_ James, be serious."

" He's not Sirius, I am!"

I jumped out of my skin. "Holy crap!" I said, looking at him. "Sirius?" " I believe we've already established that's my name." he said, haughtily. "Who are you and why did you kidnap me?" "Sirius we didn't kidnap you." I said incredulously. " I'm James and that's Remus. You were hit by some potion a couple hours ago and were turned into a 4 year old. We're at Hogwarts, remember? You live here."

Little Sirius stared at me for a second. "You are an idiot." He finally said. "……What?" I asked. "I've been four years old for 4 years and ¾. I wasn't turned into a 4 year old from some stupid potion. And, I live at Grimmauld Place with my mum and dad, not here with you_ freaks_."

"Who's a freak?" Lily asked, sitting up from where she lay on the couch. "This two are." Sirius answered. " And you might be too, but since we haven't been introduced I've no way of knowing. I'm Sirius Black, by the way, heir to the Noble House of Black."

"That sounds nice. I'm Lily Evans, and I'm not a freak at all." She smiled. The two soon started talking, completely ignoring Remus and I. " What are we going to do?" I whispered frantically, pointing at Sirius. "How are we supposed to deal with _that?_"

" I haven't a clue!" Whispered Remus, looking incredibly stressed. "We can't have them going around the castle. I mean, what if Sirius says something offens……"

"_Stop whispering like a bunch of __mudbloods__!"_ Sirius shouted.

We were in for a _long_ night.


	3. A Hard Day's Night

Child's Play

Ch. 3 A Hard Day's Night

REMUS POV

_"Stop whispering like a bunch of mudbloods!"_

Dear Merlin, _please_ tell me Sirius did _not_ just scream the word 'Mudblood' in the middle of the Gryffindor common room. In fact, tell me that Sirius and Lily were not turned into 4 year olds. Tell me that this is just some elaborate hallucination I'm having from inhaling the fumes in the Potions room.

"_It's obvious that what you're whispering is about _me," Sirius continued. "So_, whatever it is, say it to my face instead of carrying on like a bunch of filthy __mudblo__……" _" Sirius!" James interrupted, worried that someone might hear. "Don't say that! It's a _very_ bad thing to say!"

"A very bad thing to _say_!" Sirius said, incredulously. " It's a very bad thing to BE!" "No it's not, Sirius." I stated, as patiently as I could, even though on the inside I felt like screaming. I don't know how I'm going to survive the night if Sirius keeps this up.

"What's a 'mudblood'." Lily asked. James looked stricken. " A _mudblood_," Sirius began. "….is someone who has no magic blood _at all_ in their family, but has magical powers. They insist on disgracing the wizarding name, and _what's worse_ is that some go around….." He pulled a look of complete disgust. "Some go around _breeding_ with pure-bloods! As if they have a right to! Then they give birth to _half-bloods, _which are just as bad as mudbloods, and act as if they've done _nothing wrong!"_

James and I couldn't speak from shock.

"Oh." Lily said looking as they she didn't understand a word of what he'd said. "I don't think my family knows any magic, but once I set my aunt's cat on fire just by looking at it. So who knows." she said gleefully. "Maybe I'm a witch!"

Sirius looked as though Lily had just slapped him. "You…you…you _what?"_ He whispered, looking horrified. "Did you just say you have _no magic blood AT ALL_ in your family? And you think that… that… that _you_ know magic?" "Yep!" Lily said brightly.

Complete silence. Well, for a few seconds that is….

"YOU FILTHY LITTLE _MUDBLOOD!"_ Sirius screeched. "DIRTYING THE NAME OF WIZARDS _EVERYWHERE!_WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TALKING TO ME?! YOU DISGUSTING…." "Sirius that is enough!" James shouts. "Lily is a wonderful little girl, you're just repeating all the revolting things your mother's told you!"

"I think we all need to calm down." I said slowly, still in shock over what just happened. I surveyed the scene. Sirius looked horrified, stunned, and disgusted. He kept glancing between James and Lily, appalled that either of them was within ten miles of him. James looked furious that someone, Sirius in particular, had spoken to Lily like that. And Lily was crying into James' leg.

"I think we've all had a long day, and a good night's sleep is going to put everyone in a much better mood." I said hopefully. "So, how about we all go to bed and we'll discuss things in the morning?" Everyone just stared at me. "Alright, who's sleeping where? We have two beds between us so either you and I can share one bed while Lily and Sirius share the second, or Sirius and I can share my bed while Lily shares yours."

"I'll sleep with you." Sirius said immediately, casting a repulsed look towards Lily. Lily simply sniffed and held James' hand as we went up to our room. James tucked Lily in and Sirius crawled into my bed, kicking me in the process. Stupid brat.

" Remus?" James asked tiredly

"Yes?"

"What are we going to do about Peter?"

"Eh, leave him downstairs. He'll wake up eventually." I said as sleep overtook me.

I woke up smiling. 'It_ was all a dream. Just a horrible dream…' _"It's about time you woke up, you lazy sympathizer." I looked blearily at the figure on my left. ' _Oh__ crap, it was real.'_ "What did you call me?" I asked, processing what he'd said. "I called you a lazy sympathizer." Sirius said, as though I was an idiot. "I meant why did you call me that." "Oh." He said. "Well, I called you lazy because your fat ass has been in bed for too long. It's 10 o'clock, and I've been up since six. Do you know what that means?" I glared at him, displeased with the 'fat ass' comment. This kid is _four,_ for Mordred's sake! Why is he so mouthy? "It means," He continued. "…that I have been all by myself for the past four hours! And I called you a sympathizer because you sympathize with _that._" He pointed at Lily. " Now get your fat ass up and fetch me breakfast."

I scowled. "I don't think so." I snapped as I got out of bed and changed clothes. Sirius looked affronted. "You'd better. I'm the Black heir." "….So?" I asked. He rolled his eyes. "Blacks are always at their best. So, as the heir, I need to be at my best. Which I'm not if I'm not fed."

"Well, _your highness," I said sarcastically. __" _We have to wait for James and Lily to wake up before we go to breakfast."

"I'm not eating with _them_." He sneered.

"You eat with them, or you don't eat at all." I retorted. "And, by the way, when we're around other people keep your 'pureblood beliefs' to yourself. Not many people agree with them, except for your brother and the rest of the Slytherins." "My brother? You mean Regulus?" Sirius asked. "Yes, Regulus. As I was saying…" "Take me to see him." Sirius ordered. "You're forgetting the magic word."I hinted. "You're right. Take me to see him, _now._"

I sighed. It didn't look like James or Lily would be up for a while. "Alright. But remember what I said." "Yeah yeah, whatever." He said as he ran out the door with me on his heels.

We made it to the Great Hall without any problems. Which meant something was going to go very wrong, very fast.

"That's him, right over there.""Regulus!" Sirius screamed, running towards his brother. Regulus looked up and, spotting Sirius, began to choke on his food. "So you are here! _That thing_ told me you'd be here, but he and his friend are a bunch of dirty blood-traitors, so you can't really trust what they say!" Sirius exclaimed. "What….you….Sirius?" Regulus asked, stunned at the sight of his older brother as a child. "But…you're little!" "I _am not_ little!" Sirius huffed. "I'm just younger because of some potion thing. It was horrible! I woke up and he and the scruffy one with glasses were there. And the worst part was that they forced me to interact with a _mudblood_"

"Mudblood?" Regulus looked confused. "Do you mean you believe in the things Mum tells us?" He asked hopefully. "Why wouldn't I? Mum's right about everything!" Regulus looked beside himself with joy. " You know what Sirius? I am going to write to Mother, and tell her about what you said and ask her to come down here. I'm sure she'd be _overjoyed_ to see you!" "Really?" Sirius asked. "Do you think she'd take me away from _that?_" He pointed at me. "Of course she would!" Regulus laughed.

"Sirius, I think it's time we go see Professor Dumbledore." I began. "But I haven't had any breakfast yet!" Sirius complained. "You'll get some later, let's go." "Can Regulus come ?" Sirius asked. "No. But you'll see him later, okay?" "Fine." Sirius pouted. "Bye, Reggie!" He screamed as we walked towards Dumbledore's office.

This was not good.

Walburga Black coming down here was the _last_ thing we needed.

Sirius and I ran up to our room. James and Lily were _still _asleep. "Lazy, no-good…" I heard Sirius mutter. "James!" I shouted as I tried to shake him awake. "JAMES!"

"Grandma, I don't want eat to eat jello when I'm in the shower." He muttered.

What the hell was he dreaming about?!

"James Harold Potter, you wake up this instant!" I yelled, hitting him. "Remus? What's going on?" He asked. "You and Lily over-slept. We have to get to Dumbledore's office _now._" I said urgently. "What's the rush?" "The _rush_ is that Regulus is writing Mrs. Black a letter all about Sirius' _behavior_ and she's going to be down here as soon as she reads it!"I cried.

"What?! Regulus knows?!" He screeched. "Yes, it's a very long story that I will explain to you on the way, now get ready!" "Why is everyone yelling?" Lily asked blearily.

"Well, Mudblood, they're yelling because…" "Sirius shut up! I am not putting up with this today!" I yelled, frustrated to the point of tears. "I'm ready, let's go." James said, glaring at Sirius as we walked down there.

_'Merlin,'_ I thought I we reached his office. '_How will we _ever_ explain this?'_

I opened the door. "Professor, we have a bit of a…" I stopped. "Ah, Remus!" Dumbledore chirped. "I was just having a _lovely_ conversation with Mrs. Black about your situation!"

Oh crap.


	4. Mum's the word

Ch.4 Mum's the word

REMUS POV

"MUM!" Sirius screamed, running into Mrs. Black's arms. "I missed you so much! Guess what? I got to meet Regulus and _he's _older than _me_ now! And then that_ creature_ over there made me hang out with the red-headed mudblood. It was horrible! I'm so glad you're here!"

What a mama's boy.

"I'm glad to be here Sirius!" Mrs. Black gushed. "I can't remember the last time you were so …._different_." She glared at me. "Lupin, I'm_ sure_ I was mistaken. It sounded as though you let a _mudblood_ near my son." "Now, now, Walburga." Dumbledore began. "There's no need for name calling." "I beg to differ." Mrs. Black drawled.

Dumbledore ignored her. " It seems as though you had a spot of bother in the Potions room, Remus." "Yes, sir." I began. "We were cleaning when Sirius spilled some potion on himself and Lily. They passed out and when we found them, they were…. like this." "Yeah!" agreed James. " And now they're both four, and there's something wrong with Sirius!" "I can assure you, the only thing _wrong_ with my son is the fact that he's been forced to interact with filthy blood-traitors and mudbloods!" Mrs. Black screeched, looking murderous.

"As I was saying," Dumbledore continued, his disdain for Mrs. Black's company quite obvious. "I've alerted Professor Slughorn to your 'situation' and he has begun work on an antidote. In the meantime, I feel that it would be best for Sirius and Lily to stay at the castle…" "YOU _WHAT!?"_Mrs. Black shrieked. "MY BABY ISN'T STAYING ANYWHERE _NEAR_ THOSE FILTHY MONGRELS AND THAT GIRL!" " Mrs. Black, you do not have a choice. You'll be alerted if anything comes up, but Sirius _is_ staying here. Whether you like it or not."

Dumbledore: 1 Screaming hag: 0

"I…you… KREACHER!" Mrs. Black screamed. ' _What__ the hell's a Kreacher?' _I wondered.

CRACK

All of a sudden, the _ugliest_ thing I have ever seen appeared out of thin air. I assumed it was a house elf, but one that had never seen the light of day, never bathed, and smoked frequently. There was no other explanation for its looks, or lack thereof.

"Mistress called?" Kreacher croaked. "Kreacher!" Mrs. Black screeched. "You are to be at Sirius' beck and call. I trust you will follow any orders he gives you and I'm sure you will keep him from mixing with…the _wrong sort._" "Yes Mistress." Kreacher responded gleefully. "Kreacher will keep young master out of trouble." "Good." Mrs. Black sniffed, turning towards Dumbledore. "_This isn't the last of this!" _she shouted, giving Sirius a kiss on the cheek. Mrs. Black grabbed a handful of floo powder and disappeared into the fire.

"Well gentlemen, that's one problem taken care of!" Dumbledore chuckled. "Sir, she seemed really mad! Shouldn't we be worried?" James asked. "Oh, don't mind Walburga. She'll get over it eventually. Now, if you are to be taking care of Miss Evans and Mister Black, I'm sure you'll need some supplies. I'll have Madame Pomfrey send some things up to your room. Professor Slughorn is already searching for an antidote, but I'm afraid I don't know how long it will take to find it."

"Are you Santa Claus?" Lily asked. Sirius scoffed. "He's not _Santa_," He sneered. "He's the headmaster of this school." "Oh." She replied quietly. "Can you do magic?" Dumbledore smiled. "Yes, everyone at this school can. They learn magic here so they can be great witches and wizards when they grow up. Just like you will when you're their age. I'm sure if you asked them nicely, James and Remus will show you some." He turned to us. "Now I'm sure if you run you can still get some breakfast."

"But what are we to do about our classes sir?" I asked. "Take them with you!" He laughed closing the door to his office.

* * *

JAMES POV

"So Mrs. Black is…" I began, searching for the right word. "Terrifying beyond all reason?" Remus suggested. "Took the words right out of my mouth, mate." I said as we walked down the hall. "Well, we have double Potions with the Slytherins in about 10 minutes." I sighed. This was just _not_ my day. "Do you wanna ditch? Or are you actually considering putting ourselves through hell?"

"Well…" Remus began. "As _tempting_ as your offer is James, we're going to have to go to class eventually. So we might as well get used to it now, huh?" Damn Remus! Damn him and his stupid common sense! " All right. I guess I can suck it up and sit through.." "AGHHH!" Sirius screeched.

"What happened?" I yelled."The mudblood KICKED me!!!" "YOU WERE BEING A MEANIE!!!" Lily shouted.

Ugh, I HATE Kids. They're so loud and annoying. Lily's kind of cute though. NOT IN THAT WAY! In an 'Aw, what a cute kid!' way. Get your minds out of the gutter!

"Well, we're here." Remus stated, interrupting my important thoughts as we walked into the classroom. "Thank you for deciding to join us today!" Professor Slughorn bellowed. "We're working in groups to create Amortentia. Can anyone tell me what Amortentia does, and how to recognize it?" He asked.

"Amortentia is the most powerful love potion in the world. It can be recognized by its distinctive mother-of-pearl sheen, its steam rising in characteristic spirals and how it smells differently to everybody according to what attracts them. To me, it smells like fresh cut flowers strewn across a babbling brook." He answered, blushing when he realized what he'd said.

THAT'S WHAT LILY SMELLS LIKE!!!! I swear on Merlin's beard, if it is the last thing I do, I will _kill_ Regulus Black! And why does he know so much about love potions? Oh. My. Mordred. He was gonna give one to Lily, wasn't he?! That stupid son-of-a…….

"Very good Regulus!" Slughorn gushed. "20 points to Slytherin. James and Remus, why don't you go join Regulus' group?"

"YAY!" Screamed Sirius, as he ran over and sat on Regulus' lap.

Bloody brilliant.

* * *

FINALLY!!! I'm so sorry for the wait but I had majorly awful writer's block! REMEMBER TO REVIEW!!! And any suggestions for upcoming chapters are MUCHO appreciated!

Hugs, Kisses, and Back at School Wishes,

-Little Babushka


	5. I Hate That I Love You

Ch.5 I Hate That I Love You

REUMUS POV

This is just bloody brilliant!

Why does the universe hate me? Why?! What have I done in this life that was so _bloody_ horrendous that universe has decided to punish me for?

Deep breaths, Remus, Calming breaths. Breath in. Breath out.

(sigh) I take it none of you know what the hell I'm talking about do you? All right then. Let's recap the last forty or so minutes so that I may vent properly to you.

REWINREWINDREWINDREWINDREWINDREWIND

_"__James and Remus, why don't you go join Regulus' group?"_

_Bloody Brilliant._

_"__Let's get__ this over with." I said as we walked over to Regulus' table._

_"Who is that?" Lily asked. "That," I began tiresomely, "… is Regulus Black. He's Sirius' younger, __er_older_, brother and a complete and utter pain in the ass." __"Remus!"__ James scolded. "Don't start with me Potter!" I snapped. "He looks like if I touched him he'd feel damp." Lily said thoughtfully. "That's because he's a greasy __git__." James muttered. "What's a __git__?" asked Lily. "He is." __Replied James._

_Regulus sneered at us as we put our books down. "Well, well. What do we have here?" He asked. "What a stupid question." James said, as he added in the ingredients. "James, don't say that!" shrieked Lily, hitting him. "There are no stupid questions, James. __Only stupid people."_

_Lily, oblivious to the insult hidden in her remark, began helping James stir the potion. "Don't call my brother stupid, you filthy mudblood!" screamed Sirius. "STOP CALLING ME A MUDBLOOD YOU JERK!!" Lily shrieked as she shoved Sirius towards the cauldron._

_It was as if it all happened in slow __motion.I__ saw Sirius falling towards the potion, and I remember thinking __' Oh__ Lord, please no!'. But I couldn't do anything. I tried to grab him to pull him out of harm's way. But I was too slow._

_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"__ I yelled, as Sirius was coated with love potion. __" NOT__ AGAIN, GODDAMNIT!" _

_And then everything went black._

_PRESENTDAYPRESENTDAYPRESENTDAYPRESENTDAY_

And THAT is what happened, ladies and gentlemen. So hopefully you understand why the universe hates me. Because I must certainly do not. Now, not only do I have two four year olds to look after, but I also have a four year old that's madly and passionately in love with some unfortunate soul. I am so ridiculously angry that I could just kill some……

"Hey Remus. Ya feelin' any better?" asked James, tentatively.

"Yea. What happened? I remember Sirius falling into the Amortentia but then everything went black." I said. "Oh, that's kinda my fault. See, when _the incident_ happened, you kind went a little crazy. So I stunned you to keep you from hurting someone. And don't worry, you don't have to go to any classes. Madame Pomfrey thinks you need to take a 'mental health' day, in order to…um…. I dunno. Recuperate or something."

So that's why I'm in the hospital wing.

"How are the kids?" I asked. " Oh they're fine." James began, looking furious. " Sirius, being the little shit that he is…" "JAMES!" " Fine fine! Being the _wonderful little boy_that he is, just HAD to look at Lily first! So now he's all 'Oh Lily, your hair is soooo soft! Wow Lils, your eyes sparkle with the radiance of a thousand suns! Lily I want to have your babies!' It's making me sick to my bloody stomach Remus! And Lily's not helping matters. She seems to _enjoy_ him flirting with her! It's disgusting!" he vented.

" James, are you… _jealous?_" I asked incredulously. " Me? Jealous of him? Ha! Don't make me laugh! I just think it's inappropriate." "Really?" I laughed. "Because it seems to me that you're angry that Sirius is going after, oh what is it you call her? Oh, that's right, _your woman._"

"Oh yea? Well… at least I _have _a woman! You're alone!" James yelled defensively.

"I'd rather be alone than be lusting after a four year old!" I cried, stung by his remark. I'm alone by choice. It's not like I couldn't find someone if I tried!

" This is stupid. I'm sorry, man. I'm just upset over this Lily thing. I shouldn't be yelling at you, you're one of my best friends." James sighed. "I'm sorry too. You have every right to be upset. _I_ shouldn't have yelled at _you._ Because you're one of my best friends too, James." I replied.

" Aw, that's so sweet you guys! You two want to get a room so you can go make-out for a while?" Regulus sneered from the doorway. If James has _any_ self control, he won't respond to that.

"Shut up you son of a bitch!"

And so it begins.

* * *

Hey everyone! Super sorry for the wait! But trust me, if you had to deal with spirit week and a dumbass (sorry for the vulgarity! I'm in a mood.) class president, you wouldn't update much either.

Hugs, Kisses, and Trying-to-stay-cheerful Wishes!

- Little Babushka

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox


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